There was a time in the recent past when I saw Chicago. It was straightaway the best musical after Sweeny Todd. The biting satire especially the puppet dance part, damn, it’s all real trippy shit. No wonder Literature guys study that.

Meh, what a hipster I was.

Then I saw Gunda.


And I forgot about Chicago. I forgot about Sweeny Todd and every other movie I had seen. To say that my life changed would be just wrong. In the two hour of journey, and I shit you not, I was reborn. And now I proudly say I am a citizen of the land of Gundaraj.

Location:
The mind of Kanti Shah of the cult Duplicate Sholay and Shaadi Basanti Ki Honeymoon Gabbar Ka fame.

Official Mascot:

Dear fellow Amalgaites, I want to invite you to the land of 240p where murders are pastimes and rapes are recreational measures, where every sentence rhymes and every dialogue reeks of earthiest metaphors (Tu wo jhaad ki patti hai, jise koi bhi tod kar ja sake; Main crane nahi, jahaz hoon jahaz). This universe consists exclusively of airstrips and dockyards where only coolies exist. This pink sweet world is the utopia for monkeys playing catch with new born babies (when I say ‘with’, I mean babies are the catch-balls), where a dockyard can miraculously transform into a mining hub as smoothly as you would gurgle ‘Ogaga’, and where taxis work on autopilot and pimps have hanging gardens in their 'bazaar'.

As I got more acquainted with Gundaraj, I realized what a cute little place that is. And the people make it so. The fellow citizens of my new world are the friendliest lot with the most endearingly eclectic names. Oh look, they want to introduce themselves.

The mob-boss Bulla – “Mera naam hai Bulla. Main rakhta hoon hamesha khulla.” With a blow-job face with every ‘A’ at the end of sentence.

Bulla’s gay brother Chuthiya – “Mera naam hai Chuthiya. Achche achchon ki khadi karta hoon main khatiyan. Bulla bhai, ab hoga halla gulla. Police karegi hai Bulla hai Bulla. Sab bolenge hai Chuthiya hai Bulla. Arre dhoondho dhoondho kaha hai Chuthiya, pakdo pakdo kaha hai Bulla.”

Bulla’s left hand Ibu Hatela: “Mera naam hai Ibu Hatela. Ma meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela. Khayega kela?”

Bulla’s right hand Pote – “Mera naam hai Pote, jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote.”

Aw, ain’t that sweet? Moving ahead, my land has something for everyone.

For animal lovers, we have leopards for pets.
For the ardent devotees, we have a constant Mahabharata music playing in the background.
For physics lovers, we the most flexible gravitational force – that allows for 10 feet jumps and rebounds.
For geology diggers, we have the most permeable soil – Now you don’t need to dig graves. Just two hard whacks on the head and voila, a standing person is now neck deep in soil.
For K soap dabbers and those with amnesia, we have extended action-replays – 6 of them, just so that you won’t miss out a single detail.
For anatomy fans, we have taken chicks that fit only in D cups.
For sociology enthusiasts, we have crowd who turn mannequins at every act of violence and come alive only to accommodate Mithunda.
For sci-fi fans, we have a wonderful case study of how Mithunda manages to do an apparition at every turn, nook, corner and crevice wherever the running villain chooses to go after turning his back at him.
For cartographers, a chance to analyse how every turn, nook, corner and crevice inevitably leads to an airstrip or a dockyard.
For aspiring fashion designers, guys, you just have to see how well the slick red turtleneck adorns a tight pair of whites.
For aspiring artists, a chance to witness what none of you can ever possibly hope to accomplish.
And for cinema aficionados, this is a wonderful opportunity of knowing how a movie that defies every possible convention, definition, notion of realism and replace it with the most creative inanities manages to secure a 7.6 on IMDB when Chicago scraped a 7.2.

Gunda, the land of viewer joy, the land of commoner justice, the land of engagingly boiling revenge and a happy punched out end. Twilight will go inside cans, the likes of Rebecca Black will gag themselves. And Khoon Bhari Maang will just be ho-hum-ed.

Gunda: It's so giftedly bad, it's good.

I love it!!! [the post, not the movie!]

Dude, I kid you not, watch it. It helps one grow as a person. Only, be warned, exposure to Gunda more than 20 minutes at a time can make you want to eat your limbs.

As Alec Smart once said, "There are only two types of people in the world. One, who have watched Gunda. Two, who want to watch Gunda."