My Name Is Khan
The Backstory
- Spoiler:
Part I – Regarding SRK
I’m an SRK fan.
I come from a family of SRK fans.
My brother, mother, father, pet cat, ex-girlfriend’s mother, everybody! Even my non-existent dentist(I don’t believe in dental hygiene, not anymore).
Yes, I know for a fact that SRK cannot act and doesn’t even try.
And that he just went and threw his talent from the top of a cliff to the sea full of bloodthirsty tiger-sharks.
It’s true and I’ve had a tough time living with the fact that;
SHAHRUKH KHAN CANNOT ACT EVEN IF HIS LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!
Yet, I’m a fan. And I continue to watch his movies and respect him for no apparent reason.
That’s that.
Part II – Regarding Karan Johar
Karan Johar is latent homosexual.
He knows it, his wife knows it, the guy who he had sex with in that shady lodge knows it. The whole FRIKKIN’ world knows it. Yet he’ll never admit it.
Why?
Why does he have to display his awesome gayness in his movies by inserting quirky hints that shout out “THE DIRECTOR IS A FAG!!!” on screen?
-Making the lead actors wear pink sweatshirts in at least one scene
-Lame toilet humor often with homosexual references
-Stupid awkward moment when something serious and dramatic happens (often accompanied by weak dialogue)
-…UGH! I GIVE UP!
I don’t have a problem with gay people. Not since 2008. But this jerk is such a FAG-LORD!
I don’t have a problem with gay artists but they should seriously leave their sexual orientation out of their work.
This guy who wants to spread the message of happiness and brotherly love through his work!
He is an insult to the gay community (I’m not authority on this but its’ true) and must seriously consider a change of career.
QIUT RUINING THE ALREADY CRAPPY REPUTATION OF BOLLYWOO MOVIES YOU GAY DOUCHEBAG!
Part III – Why Name Is Khan
Jin was in town (he’s pretty hardcore about SRK too) and some of his college buddies managed to get tickets for the new SRK movie (take a guess!). The movie was sold out and ticket reservations were like super tight for like the next two weeks.
I “HAD” to go see the movie because of the insane media hype that it was probably Karan Johar’s best movie till date and the Shiv Sena thing (which actually didn’t matter to me as I don’t live anywhere near Maharashtra) and because of the fact that I’m a fan.
So I met up with the guys and got the tickets (for which I had paid twice the normal price to get) and entered the theater. Had my hopes high. Big mistake!
(No,I haven’t seen Dostaana)
Review:
The first half of the movie was unbelievable! It was very above the average, heck it was pretty good for Bollywood movie standards. The story was kinda non-linear with the movie making jumps back and forth through flashbacks and memories. Very enjoyable.
For once I thought Mr. Johar had made a good movie… for a change.
After the interval,… well, that’s when the movie began to suck. I mean SUCK ASS HAIR! VERY HARD! SO HARD! OH SO VERY HARD THAT IT HURT JUST TO THINK ABOUT IT! VACCUM SO IMMENSE IT SUCKED YOUR BRAIN OUT THROUGH YOUR ASS. I am not exaggerating. It was that bad!
Karan Johar was at it again. Happily... no “gaily” destroying another potentially good movie. A movie that could have made it to the “internationally acclaimed” status. It could have achieved something ALL of his other movies put together couldn’t have done in a million years; A GOOD REVIEW.
BUT NOOOOO! He’s a frikkin pansy wearing a skirt begging for nasty in-out-in-out from behind!
He had to go and fvck the movie left, right and centre from the second half all the way to the ending.
I’m never watching his movies again.
I’ve decided!
And I will urge you, everyone of you to join me to form an angry mob that will march up to his house and burn it to the ground!
Death to Karan Johar!
The acting on the other hand was pretty good. Even SRK acted… or at least tried to, which is the most he has done since his FAUJI/CIRCUS/BAZEEGAR/DARR years.
(and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi IMHO, which was a pretty decent movie)
SRK – Done it fairly well though very reminiscent of Dustin Hoffman’s performance in Rain Man. But it sometimes got pretty crappy. Crappy = Bad acting clearly perceived. Not something you’d expect from the guy who they call the king of Bollywood. Or is it? I don’t know for certain anymore!
Kajol – Lead female role. Done it exceptionally well. Remarkable acting throughout the movie. She was so good that she out did EVERYONE ELSE!... as usual. Go Kajol!
Sonya Jehan - *Drool*
Everybody Else – Insignificant.
Rating: 4.5/10
I’m giving this movie more than 2 only because Kajol was pretty good in it.
Oh and 0.5 for the hot chick(Sonya Jehan) who plays Rezwan Khan’s sister-in-law.
Oh Haseena… Hai! Hai!
*drool*
*swoon*
DAMN!
My Thoughts About the Movie - One by One
- Spoiler:
Oh and here’s a list of thoughts I had while watching the movie:
- Obama sucks! Bush was ways better!
- The kid asked for it. I guess that’s why it’s bad to swear at people. Kids shouldn’t do that! Especially if you’re a minority.
- Van Gogh was autistic.
Some say Einstein was autistic.
But Rezwan Khan is not autistic, he’s just plain retarded.
- SRK should reconsider before taking every stupid script that comes his way with a Karan Johar sticker on it.
- Caption of the movie is wrong “An ordinary man on an extraordinary journey… for love”
The guy is anything but ordinary. And his journey is not for love, it’s for… a stupid stupid cause that doesn’t make a rat’s ass worth of difference at the end. Trust me, this is no spoiler. A movie this bad cannot be spoiled!
- The kid who played Rezwan Khan’s childhood did a decent job, far better than SRK.
- Chick who played Haseena should marry me. No seriously. If she’s already married, she should get a divorce and then marry me. If she’s committed, I’ll kill the dude and then she can mourn over his death by drinking heavily in a bar that I happen to be in and then she’d meet me and then we’ll get to know each other and go on dates and then she should marry me.
- I wasted a lot of money on this movie. Karan Johar will pay for this!
- SRK had these lines that he kept repeating throughout the movie;
“My name is Khan!”
“Kh-an! Not Kan!”
“KH-! From the epiglottis.”
THAT WAS SOOOOOO AKHMED!
Remember Jeff Dunham’s Akhmed – The Dead Terrorist jokes?
The one in which Jeff asks Akhmed to spell his name and then he says;
“Let’s see,... A…K…phlegm…”
Rip–off!!!
- If a retarded autistic guy can get to a Welheimina then why can’t relief? Even if the government is being a dick about it, surely there are other relief and charity organizations or some such than could have. That was pretty frikkin lame!
- A better option for the role of Rezwan Khan would have been Hrithik Roshan. I really don’t see how the guy got an award for Koi Mil Gaya. But he did. Daddy is rich, yes!
- I mourn the death of the song “Hum Hongey Kamiyaab” Very gay moments at the service. An insult to the African American community. Somebody protest already!
- Shiv Sena was right! Shiv Sena was SOOO RIGHT!
- Nobody in the theater went “WOO HOO!” when SRK made a Manchester United reference! (except me and maybe Jin)
- I am a very angry moviegoer and God help me I will rip Karan Johar limb-to-limb!
Final verdict:
Starts good, becomes stale somewhere in the middle, falls flat on the face towards the ending, and ends rotting like a week old carcass.
Don’t rent this movie.
Don’t even download it!
Don’t even give the DVD to your worst enemy!
Stay at least 70 feet away from anything to do with the movie.
…3…2…1… and you’re safe.
Starts good, becomes stale somewhere in the middle, falls flat on the face towards the ending, and ends rotting like a week old carcass.
Don’t rent this movie.
Don’t even download it!
Don’t even give the DVD to your worst enemy!
Stay at least 70 feet away from anything to do with the movie.
…3…2…1… and you’re safe.
Oh and for the record;
I LOVED RAB NE BANA DI JODI!
Sue me!
