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The absurdities of TV programming

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1 The absurdities of TV programming on Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:31 pm

kyo

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Now, personally I am ready to give a lot of "creative license" to the makers of media.

I usually swallow all the balderdash that they shovel in crime scene forensics shows. Such as, tracking down a suspect with one hair/fibre/bit of dirt and actually making it stick in court... and the inexplicable things they do with regards to computers such as the infinite resolution trick or the track down villain/ stop evil hacker/ stop evil virus using some nonsensical keyboard hammering trick....

A dramatized reenactment of such a scene follows:



I am ready to accept the fact that all the leading actors (I hear that actresses prefer to be called actors nowadays)... are surrounded by an indestructible force-field when entering any dangerous situation...

I am ready to accept the fact that even the most badass assassins/mercenaries/cops/armymen etc etc... just HAVE to pull the slide whenever they pick up an automatic or semiautomatic pistol. This despite the fact that all it accomplished was to eject a perfectly good bullet... which would kinda suck if they had a limited supply of bullets in a given magazine... you know... like in real life... What if that was the last bullet? OH SHIT!

Also... you know how the hero sometimes ejects the magazine to look at how many bullets he has left? And the camera zooms in nice and close to show you 1 bullet left in the mag? Then the protagonist then drops some badass line / joke about having 1 bullet and proceeds to unleash the fury of the gods on the villains using just that 1 bullet (this usually involves them suddenly discovering and blowing up a container containing something flammable/corrosive/explosive which has somehow survived all the other gunfire)... This trick goes by multiple names, personal favorites are "The One Bullet Wonder" and "The Magic Bullet."

Guess what... they had 2 damned bullets left... one already in the freaking firing chamber... and the one they showed you in the mag.... Now in recent times, people who make movies apparently DID try firing a gun and discovered this phenomenon... and now they exploit it as a 'trick' that the protagonist sometimes uses. Protagonist will feign a surrender by dropping the mag from their pistol and then shooting the dumbass villains with that remaining bullet. Of course the bad guys obviously have no idea how a semiautomatic or automatic pistol works even though they use them all the time.

Heck... I also accept the scenes of the protagonists (sometime antagonists) walking away from (sometimes towards) a fiery explosion completely nonchalantly as if they are strolling through a park. I kinda figured that this gets rolled up into the force-field effect. BTW, at this point, I must tip my hat to "The Other Guys" which remains (to date) the only movie where they portrayed the effects of attempting to walk away from/towards an explosion on the human body accurately.



Anyway all I am saying is that there are a lot of things I can accept and live with. Now; before we move on to the bit of TV show maker idiocy which motivated this rant (attempting to pass off as a post), please also consider the following:

1. We live in a post 9/11 world, where more people know what a suicide bomber is than who Nelson Mandela is. Wait... bad example. Actually, its fine. You get my point... I think. Anyway! The point is that enough people know what a suicide bomber is... and thus know what the appropriate response is when you see one of them coming i.e. RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.... CAUSE IT EFFING DOES!!!

2. Most people are also aware of another thing. If a suicide bombers bomb explodes... it usually means that the biggest bit of him you might find could probably fit in a matchbox or maybe a shoe box. Note that if its the latter, then the next person to get selected to be the suicide bomber is probably going to be the bomb maker himself.

3. Due to its proliferation in Hollywood movies and pretty much every FPS on every platform, an entire generation of our youth is now fully aware of what C-4 is, and of its destructive potential. At this point, I must give the FPS makers some credit. In most modern FPS games, when a explosive detonates next to a player's character, the character is temporarily disoriented and experiences 'sensory deprivation' even though in most cases they should be effing dead. The point here is, its not a good idea to be standing close to an explosion. Here is a table that details how a 'small' bomb might affect a human body.



The next table shows how C-4 stacks up against TNT (Thank you Alfred Nobel).

Explosive
Pressure Equivalent Impulse Equivalent
TNT 1.0 1.0
C-4 1.3 1.5

Now... if you have survived through all of the background info... I present to you... a GIF....



Now thats 12 images and I am going to give you a play by play here... so bear with me...

1: That the hawt super detective chick and her childhood friend/boss walking towards a guy who has just come out of a bank with a bag of cash and brandishing a knife
2: The perp has dropped the knife and his jacket... exposing a.... ding ding ding.... that's right! A bomb vest... the kind suicide bombers wear... its the latest fashion for them! Except that this one has significantly less explosive and no visible shrapnel...
3: That's 6 bricks of Composition 4.... affectionately known as C-4, sometimes called RDX in India (albeit C-4 is basically a more 'inert' form of RDX). A very conservative estimate is that our bomber is sporting 6X500gm bricks = 3kg = 6.6 lbs (approx). Also, that's a little over 27 SECONDS on the clock... not 27 minutes... this is the part where you are supposed to turn and effing run for your life....
4: And here you see the 'ordinary people' doing exactly that...
5: And here you see our "US trained" hawt super detective chick standing right there...
6: Dude decides... screw it all... the hawt super detective chick is not going to be of any help... might try to get rid of the jacket myself... NOTE: This is the worst thing you can do if someone has put a bomb vest on you.
7: Bomb explodes, you can barely make out the dudes face there...
8: Hawt super detective chick takes a faceful of hot explosive gasses...
9: Hawt super detective chick and her childhood friend/boss are blown away...
10,11: Here lies the dude... who after detonating 3 kg of C-4 on his chest is still in one piece... WTF was this guy doing working in a bank anyway? He should have been in the fricking Justice League/Avengers/Some group of superheros with that kinda body...
12: Get this... hawt super detective chick... standing less than 10ft away from the blast (more like 6 feet, but I rounded up to give her a fighting chance)... is completely unharmed... her hearing is totally fine... she is able to stand on her own two feet... and her makeup is still intact and none of her hair is singed...

Conclusion: Japs have no idea how explosives work... that was a clip from the 1st episode of Boss, a Jdrama I am currently watching... because the hawt super detective chick is still hawt after taking an explosion to her face... hawt women can be forgiven pretty much anything...

It does not bother me so much that she is alive... (protagonist invulnerability) but the facts that... the dude who was wearing the effing vest is still in 1 piece (dead, but still in 1 piece), none of the surrounding (conspicuously made of pane glass) windows are shattered, she does not have so much as a bruise on her and her clothes look like they just left the dry cleaners. She was standing 6 feet from a blast of 3 kg of C-4 which hit her in the fricking face man! Come on! At least a busted nose or lip would have been appropriate, maybe a rip in her shirt and/or skirt (fan service yo!).... that dude wearing the vest should be fricking liquefied... a few windows should have been busted. You know... the little things...

I cant believe I spent all this time to type all that out... and all the sites I visited to get those figures and that table have probably put me on every FBI, NSA and/or DHS watch-list... heck I am probably on a no-fly list already....


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There are three reasons why you can't defeat me. One: Your sword is too light. Two: There's nothing I can't cut. Three: I'm more handsome than you - Kyo
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2 Re: The absurdities of TV programming on Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:58 pm

Arr0wHeaD

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Explosives and Guns are highly controlled in Japan, apparently. In a country with so few army personnel it might be hard to find people who have the knowledge to give consultancy services to the writers of a show like this.

And as for absurdities, have you ever watched CID, Kyo?


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