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FRIENDS

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1 Scenes from friends on Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:31 pm

Omkar

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found this on a blog-
My Favourite Scenes From Friends
[Ross has just slept with another woman after breaking up with Rachel]
Chandler: You slept with another woman within 3 hrs after breaking up with Rachel ?? Come on... Bullets have left guns slower.


[Joey drilling into a wall, when on the opposite side Chandler is there. Chandler comes out furious from the room]
Joey (embarassed): Oh I am sorry. Did I get you ?
Chandler: No you didnt get me. Its an electric drill. You get me... you KILL me


[in the hotel]
Waiter: Anything else sir?
Chandler: How bout a version of "Killing Me Softly"?.....(laughs... then his face changes when he realises its not nice to mess up with the waiter...) You´re gonna spit in my plate, aren´t you?


[Joey comes out from his room wearing ridiculous clothes. He has to look nineteen for an audition]
Joey: 'Sup? 'Sup, dude?
Chandler: [putting his hands up] Take whatever you want, just please don't hurt me.
Joey: So, you're playing a little Playstation, huh? That's whack. Playstation is whack. 'Sup with the whack Playstation, 'sup? Huh? Come on, am I nineteen or what?
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from one to ten, ten being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely nineteen.


[flipping a coin to decide which one out of two babies - one wearing a shirt with ducks and the other having clowns - was Ross's baby. They have to decide which side to assign to the duck and which one to clowns]
Chandler: we have to assign heads to something
Joey: Ok Ok ducks is heads 'cause ducks have heads
Chandler: what kind of scary ass clowns came to your birthday ??!!!

Ross: You guys won't believe what I have to do for work today!
Chandler: Yes, but Ross you chose a career of talking about dinosaurs.

[Ross get annoyed by a date who doesnt keep her place neat]
Ross: You know how at the end of the day, you throw your jacket over a chair?
Joey: Yeah?
Ross: Well at her place, instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived.


Chandler: Oh, yeah, I'm a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last... twelve hundred times.

i got hundreds more! will post by popular demand, that is, if there is any Razz

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2 Re: FRIENDS on Wed Sep 09, 2009 5:01 pm

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I think you ought to make a separate thread for FRIENDS jokes!! DO SO!! DO SO!!!

3 Re: FRIENDS on Wed Sep 09, 2009 11:17 pm

Aceviper

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YES YES YES! Oh man. Do you also have the series?


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4 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:44 am

yuki

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omg O_O my brother watch this series...its the weirdest show =.= freaky jokes..

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5 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:16 pm

Omkar

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wow, never thought the response would be so great! here's some more-

[Pheobe says she wasnt to fly a jet]
Chandler: Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet!


[Monica's high school friend Will (Brad Pitt) turns up for thanksgiving]
Monica: This is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Chandler: Hey, I'd shake your hand but I'm into the game (Chandler is watching a game), plus I think it would be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other.


Joanna: What are you doing?
Chandler: I'm getting dressed.
Joanna: Why?
Chandler: When I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me

[pointing to a monkey(Marcel) sitting on Ross's shoulder]
Chandler: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass!


[everyone else walks in when Ross is kissing Julie (the Chinese girlfriend)]
[Ross and Julie suddenly stops kissing]
Chandler: Julie, You had a 'palenatologist' on your face. Never mind. Its gone now


Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her. Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.


[Playing Football]
Monica: Okay, Phoebs, you know what you're doing right?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: Okay, Joey's gonna catch the ball and you and I are gonna block.
Phoebe: What's block?
Monica: Phoebe, I thought you said you knew what you're doing.
Phoebe: I thought you meant in life.


Ross: What are you doing tonight?
Chandler: Why?? Do you have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler (Instantly): Free as a bird, what's up?


Monica: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: [pause] ... Are we still talking about sex?


Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.


Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.
Joey: But it hurts my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.


Rachel: Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.
Joey: [looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?
Monica: No. Barry and Mindy.
Joey: Oh, sorry, I hear "divorce" and I automatically go to Ross.

want more? Cool

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6 source on Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:38 pm

Omkar

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here's the blog to pass on the credit to
http://nothingelsematers.blogspot.com/
its posted by ananya.

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7 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:35 pm

Jin

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i liked the episode in which monica got the turkey stuck to her head!

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8 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:44 pm

Aceviper

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I think that was Joey who had the turkey stuck on his head.


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9 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:57 pm

Jin

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monica then joey!

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10 Re: FRIENDS on Sat Sep 12, 2009 12:15 pm

Omkar

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both are different episodes. the one where monica gets it stuckm its a deliberate attempt to pacify a pissed chandler. the one in which joey gets it stuck is joey's dumbness which later spoils the dinner.

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11 Re: FRIENDS on Sat Sep 12, 2009 12:19 pm

Omkar

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Joey: Just tell him Joey says Hello. He'll know what it means.
Chandler: Gee, I don't know. Do you think he'll be able to crack your code?


[Monica looks fat in an old home movie]
Monica: The camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?



Joey: Ross, if homo sapiens actually were *homo* sapiens, is that why they're exctinct?
Ross: Joey, they are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.


[Ross keeps whining about his divorce(Carol). Chandler is trying to cheer him up]
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mentos. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. And.... I don't think that was my point.


Joey: Hey, I got something for you.
Chandler: What's this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told you but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.


Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over?
Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it.


Joey: Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I really don't want to.


Phoebe: She's dead.
Frank Buffay: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake.


Rachel: [walking out of the bathroom] Mon, I'm gonna to check my messages.
Chandler: And you thought of that in there?
Monica: Well, nature called and she wanted to see who else did.


[to Ross]
Chandler: You know if your not careful, you could not get married at all this year.


Monica: Hey. Where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?


Chandler: [entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.


Joey: But I-I-I can't stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I'm supposed to be playing a 19-year-old.
[Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this]
Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early, " did you mean 1986?


Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown. Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. [yelling]
Joey: Get out of the way jackass. [to Rachel]
Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway?
Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.

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12 Re: FRIENDS on Sat Sep 12, 2009 8:32 pm

Artemis93

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This is gr8 =))

yea...in the episode where Monica has the turkey on her head...i love Joey's reaction =))

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13 some more! on Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:21 pm

Omkar

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[Joey asks Chanlder to take risks in life... like commitment to women. And he is driving his point]
Joey: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I would be pretty much peeing every which way.


[Ross defends his fast eating habits]
Ross: I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat.


[Upon learning he must move far away and commute to work]
Ross: Why, it's like I've been given the gift of time.
Chandler: That's great. Last year I got the gift of space. (Chandler doesnt have a girlfriend) We should get together and make a continuum.


[asking about Chandlers third nipple]
Ross: So, does it do something special?
Chandler: Why yes Ross. Pressing my third nipple, it opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.


Phoebe: My New Year's Resolution is to pilot a commercial jet plane.
Chandler: That's great Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.


[Joey is trying to make Frank Jr. see sense]
Joey: Think about it... You're 18, she's 44. When you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
[Notice Joey doubles one age and assumes the other gets doubled by same amount of time]
Frank Buffay Jr.: You think I don't know that?


Chandler: Hey Joey, where do Dutch people come from?
Joey: Uh... well the Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: and the other Dutch come from somewhere near the Netherlands right?
Joey: Nice try, see the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.


[they are attending a lesbian wedding]
Joey: All these women, and nothin'. I feel like superman without his powers.
Chandler: Now you know how I feel every single day. The world is my lesbian wedding.


[Monica asks about a CD he has recently bought (After they are married)]
Monica: Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?
Chandler: They were just giving it away at the mall...
[Monica stares]
Chandler: ...in exchange for money.


[Chandler fell asleep, during Joey's movie. Its a world war movie. The credits roll, and Chandler wakes up]
Chandler: Great show. Good work, Joey.
Joey: You liked it?
Chandler: Liked it? I loved it.
Joey: What did you like best about it?
Chandler: I liked... everything the whole show.
Joey: What about the specifics?
Chandler: Specifics? Specifics were the best part.
Joey: What about the scene with the kangaroo?
Chandler: I... I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.
Joey: You fell asleep. There was no kangaroo. They didn't take any of my suggestions.


[Ross finds out Chandler M Bing is actually...]
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing... Your parents never gave you a chance.


Monica: I think I'd be great in a war. I'd, like, get all the medals.
Chandler: Before or after you're executed by your own troops?

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14 Re: FRIENDS on Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:05 pm

Omkar

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[Joey is starring in a World War I epic]
Chandler: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
Joey: Well, I figure if I wore them the guy wouldn't spit in my eyes so much when he talks.
Chandler: Yeah, and if I remember correctly, "Rayban" was the official sponsor of World War I.
Joey: Really? Great.


[Ross is walking down the aisle at Chandler and Monica's wedding]
Ross: Wow. This is the first time I've walked down the aisle without the possibility of it ending in divorce.


Phoebe: Look, I had a hard life. My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
Monica: Phoebe, your mom killed herself.
Phoebe: She was a drug dealer.


[Joey is posing as a doctor in order to get information about a patient that Phoebe likes]
Joey: Date of Birth ?
Patient: 17th Aug 1972
Joey: Age...?
Patient: Can't you work that out by my date of birth?
Joey: I'm a doctor, not a mathematician.


[Chandler getting fed up with Ross's whining of his ex-wife who turned out to be a lesbian]
Chandler: What? What? What is it? That she left you? That she likes women? That she left you for another woman that likes women?
Ross: A little louder, okay? I think there's a man on the twelfth floor - in a COMA - who didn't hear you.


Chandler: Do you know what's weird? Donald Duck never wear pants, but he's always in a towel when he gets out of the shower. Why?


[Ross and Pheobe arguing over if evolution was true]
Ross: Evolution is a reality. Its a fact.... like... like.. gravity
Pheobe: Well dont get me started on gravity....!!
Ross: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just... I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed. [Knock at door]
Chandler: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.


Rachel: Ok, Joey, we'll do it one more time. Don't forget the rules -heads I win, tails you lose.
Joey: Just flip the coin!


Rachel: [looking sad after finding out Joey's girlfriend, Kristin was just a loner, not looking for a serious relationship, when Rachel and Phoebe wanted their realtionship to work] Well, I guess it wasn't Cupid that brought her here after all.
Phoebe: No, just another regular flying dwarf.


[Monica tells the others that she and Chandler won't have any more sex before the wedding. Ross is depserate for a relationship and he has been screwing up every date]
Ross: A no sex pact! I have one of those with every woman in America!

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15 Re: FRIENDS on Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:07 pm

Omkar

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[Phoebe complains about a bank's mistake of crediting her extra money]
Phoebe: ...And I found 500 extra bucks in my account.
Chandler: Ohhh, Satan's minions at work again!


Phoebe: [Rachel has lied to her father about her upcoming marriage to Ross] I'd like to attend your imaginary wedding; but I'm really busy that day. I have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun Bar Mitzvah.


Kathy: I can cut your hair. I learned it from my aunts pet grooming shop.
Chandler: Ok but dont make my tail too poofy.


Kathy: You have very nice hair
Chandler: Thanks. I grow it myself


Emily's fake BonVoyage party. Spin bottle game]
[Chandler spins the bottle. It points to him]
Chandler: Story of my life
[Chandler spins the bottle again. It points to Joshua]
Chandler: Story of my father's life !!


[Chandler is trying to quit smoking by using hypnosis.. it doesnt work out]
Phoebe: All right, you know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bathe in the sweat of six healthy young men.
Chandler: Or what my father calls Thursday night !!--


[Chandler and Ross returns after seeing Kathy's play.Chandler is all annoyed about the "touchy" scenes on the stage]
Chandler:Its like somebody wrote down my worst nightmare and charged me 30$ to see it !!



[Chandler hasnt slept with Kathy. His concern being the fact that her previous boyfriend was Joey.]
Chandler: You know her previous boyfriend was Joey
Ross: So you are afraid you might not be able to fillhis shoes
Chandler: No I am afraid I might not perform well in bed
Ross: You know I was going for the metaphor
Chandler: And I am saying the actual words.
Monica: Just because Joey had lots of girlfriends doesnt mean he is great in bed
Chandler: We share a wall, Monica. Either he is greatin bed or she just likes to agree with him a lot.. a lot all night through.



[When chandler returns from office he sees joey hard at work with huge planks. The room is almost filled with the planks and tools.]
Chandler: Did a forest tip you over ?
Joey: Remember how you always said we need a place to keep the mail and all. So I thought why not take it to the next level ?
Chandler: So you are building a post office ?



[Joey's stalker is coming over to his apartment. Chandler and Joey are frantically trying to hide somewhere.]
Joey: May be we can run down the stairs past her. She wont notice because we havent met yet.
Chandler: Thats how Radio stars escape stalkers.



[Monica gets hurt in the eye when taking something out of the freezer]
Rachel: Monica you should go to your doctor
Monica: I cant. My doctor is Richard. I cant go to him when I don’t have a boyfriend
Chandler: Wow !! he is realy picky about his patients



[Joey comes holding the girlish bag which Rachel has given him]
Chandler: Wow!! Mrs. Tribbiani.. you look just like your son



[Chandler and Joeys apartment just got robbed.]
Monica: "What happened ?!!"
Chandler: "Joey was born and 28 years later I got robbed"
[ The friends have gathered in their apartment.]
Ross: "What did the insurance company say ?"
Chandler: "Well.. they said.. you dont have insurance here.. so stop calling us"



[Phoebe is nervous about going to a dentist... because she believes every time she goes to the dentist someone dies][Phoebe returns from the dentist]
Monica: Well.. Phoebe, did you see the dentist ?
Phoebe: No I couldnt see him
Chandler: See.. thats the problem with invisible dentists. Its very unsettling to see the tools flying around on their own in the air.

And that's all I got. Enjoy Very Happy

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16 Re: FRIENDS on Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:57 pm

Jin

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i din know there were so many good jokes in friends gotta see it again!
and thanks omkar for brinkin back my interest into it!

plus how many seasons are there totally?
12 or 13?

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17 Re: FRIENDS on Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:27 pm

kyo

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I used to watch this show a while ago. My favorite has to be Chandler. What made me like this show was that the humor was pretty witty and not the usual slapstick kind you see in such shows.


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18 Re: FRIENDS on Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:50 pm

MayFlower

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Ah the famous FRIENDS!This is one show I'll probably never ever get tired of..I've watched most episodes probably more than 2 or 3 times.
My favorite characters would be Phoebe(for her total and complete wackiness) and loserly Chandler.Rachel would probably come after that.I loved all her hair-styles XD!

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19 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:49 am

Jin

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joey chandler phoebe ross monica
thats my order
rachel doesnt come in it!

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20 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:44 am

kyo

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Joey is fun... but he is made out to be such a doofus... I dont like that kind of humor as much as Chandlers witty remarks.... I would say Chandler, Joey, Ross, Phoebe, Monica would be my order of liking... Rachel... well... I dunno... she wasnt as funny as the rest.... or at least I didnt think so...


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21 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:49 am

Jin

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joey can play fusball better!

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22 Re: FRIENDS on Thu Nov 26, 2009 12:33 pm

Omkar

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@Jin: Anytime man!

@Kyo: Totally agree with you man. Chandler is the best part of the show. His sarcastic humor is the life of the show! I like Joey's goofiness and about my friends liken me to Ross and a self obsessed moron that I am, so I like him too Razz
My order: Chandler, Joey, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica(who sometimes seems to over-act)

A special mention: Ross n Monica's dad. Man, you rule!

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23 Re: FRIENDS on Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:08 pm

Detective_Ryukai

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Wheee! i didnt think id find any thing like this Very Happy welll difficult to choose a fave chara.....all of them are nuts in their own way...so...very difficult

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24 Re: FRIENDS on Fri May 21, 2010 7:21 pm

Jin

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nuts in their own way
pretty well described

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25 Re: FRIENDS on Sat May 22, 2010 9:38 pm

Detective_Ryukai

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Heh but i like them for their nuttiness. I can see some weird similarity between each of them and me...

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